Things lost and found...

I think that i have now officially recovered from Summer Madness after 13 hours of sleep and a very long shower. Before I went i knew that leading was going to be challenging for a lot of reasons. I didn't really know the guys i was taking, I have only been to sm once, when i was 15, I decided to undertake all the cooking and also because it is so far away from things that I would normally do. I am a children's worker, not a youth worker. Youth work is not my gifting or calling but if i didnt take the group then I'm not sure they would have gone. So i took it an opportunity to do something and completely trust in God, this was my stepping out of the boat. And you know I was right, it was challenging, i struggled with feeling like a failure as a leader, I felt that i wasn't doing things the way I should. I got panicked about things going wrong so I was overprotective of the guys but at the end of the day i felt that the rules we set were fair and although i was too primary schoolteacherish things did get done. The guys seemed to have fun and they learnt things too. I think that summer madness was actually the time when one the boys said yes to Jesus for the first time. So despite all my complaining that made it all worthwhile. Although in saying that I wouldn't want to be responsible for taking a group again.

Summer madness was also time for me to sort stuff out with God. I managed to get time to have some truths pointed out to me, truths that were difficult to hear but at the same time freeing because i am not trying to defend other peoples actions when they are hurting me and also because i have a renewed understanding of who i am. Now im reading Victory Over the Darkness (which ihave started but never actually finished before.)

The theme of madness this year was identity, something i thought i'd got sorted but it being clear that alot of what i thought i knew had got lost along the way. I think thats one of the saddest things about the journey of faith, that along the way it is too easy to forget things, lose things or have them stolen by the enemy. I'm now concentrating on finding those things that i have forgotten and lost.

For a change my summer is all but completely empty, I am not going overseas on mission or taking a holiday, just summer madness, castlewellan and j24/7. I was chatting to my friend simon about this a while back and he was like "thats brilliant just have a summer of study" and I felt then like theres nothing I'd dislike more but now i actually think that that is why my summer is so free - God is making me make time for him, not working for him or telling others about him but drawing close to him. I've had such a change of heart.

Today I went to town and bought some cds (tim hughes, jonny parks, a mix called here i am to worship) and a bible cover (i'd a gift voucher to spend but i put money to it) I got tim hughes latest, i was going to re-buy light of the world (because i have lost mine) but i know when i buy it i'll find it and i know then that i'll have one to give away but at the same time i want to make sure that i've really lost it before i re-buy it.

Well i think thats about all for now, I'll check in soon.